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Serenity

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A Moment Of Weakness... [Aug. 6th, 2004|05:49 pm]
Serenity
[mood |discontentdiscontent]

Another night, another drink
Another time to contemplate and think
Will I ever, ever have anyone to love

It's not that I don't try
Maybe I try too hard
Seems like I'm living a lie
So there's a game I just won't learn
And I wonder will I always be alone
I take a sip and wonder
Why I haven't anyone to love

I guess I'll say goodnight
My drink's done and it's morning light
Sorry my friend but you see
What other ending could there be
And I wonder will I always be alone?
I take a drink and wonder
Will I ever have anyone to love?
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(no subject) [Aug. 5th, 2004|10:08 pm]
Serenity
[mood |disappointeddisappointed]

I cannot believe I had just revealed my innermost thoughts to that young man, Dominic.

The reason for hunting down Marguerite, hidden so deep within me, revealed to him with just one look... What power does he have over me? Why did my emotions surface so quickly when he asks me questions, and all I can do is just answer him?

Why?

I have never spoken of my reasons, of the fact that I had loved Marguerite like a daughter, that I had succumbed to human emotion that night when I had slain my Maker's entire family.

That I had kept vigil over her when she was growing up, rejoiced with her when she was married and in love... I had never told this to anyone.

I did not know what she had really been like, and news of the murders came as a shock. When Walker had come to find me, to ask for my...services, I had immediately taken it, not wanting anyone else to kill her.

I wanted to be the one to end her life.

Ironically, this time I was responsible for the death I did not cause. I had spared a murderer. The only soft spot I had in my heart...that soft spot created a murderer.

I know I am to blame for taking away everything that had once belonged to her, but she had been so young, barely two years of age. Now, I can still remember those brilliantly clear eyes that looked up at me, full of innocence and trust.

My dead, cold heart melted as I heard her soft giggle. Nestled comfortably in my arms, I had almost wanted to keep her for myself, but I knew better. I had taken my Maker's life, and there will be vampires after me, seeking revenge.

Even now, as I prepare to go to Los Angeles, there will be vampires out for my blood, for the sin I had committed.

I don't care. My Maker's blood runs in me now, and I know I am stronger than almost all of them combined. I am not invulnerable, but stronger.

I have been a murderer for longer still.

Yet another loved one has betrayed my heart, hurt me in the worst way possible. Yet another one...

If only I had not spared her life. If I had not been taken in by emotion, maybe, just maybe...

It is all too late now.

I will say my farewell to you here, Marguerite. Because this is all I will be giving you. Don't even think of banking on my sympathy, because I have none for you.

Say your last prayers, because I will be coming for you.
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Angel [Aug. 5th, 2004|06:15 pm]
Serenity
[mood |mellowmellow]

I have found a book.

Angel, City Of, it says on the cover, and on it was a shot of a young, handsome man and two others. One was a diminutive looking lad, while the other, a beautiful young woman.

Having nothing better to do, I had read it, and realized that this...Angel persona was companion to someone called a...vampire slayer.

Just the thought of it almost made me want to laugh. A young slip of a girl, a vampire slayer? Mortals just about came out with anything ridiculous these days.

Oh, well. If only for them to keep their eyes closed to what vampires really are. I flipped through the book idly, for want of something to do, and despite the writing style, I was intrigued by this character, someone who is so much like me, yet so different at the same time.

Vampires, in that story, are basically soulless, bloodthirsty and stupid beasts, and that analogy set my teeth on the edge. Made in the arms of a blond, beautiful vampire, he had proceeded to 'wreak havoc' on the world, so to speak, until he killed the wrong person and was cursed with a soul, which amused me to no end. Cursed with a soul? This vampire had no other powers save for enhanced speed and strength, and even then, it was no match for a real vampire.

I was made by the most powerful vampire who had ever resided in the City of Angels, gifted with the three Gifts, Cloud, Mind, and Fire, all of which I did not bother to use very much.

It was here that I saw the irony. He was made to come to Los Angeles, while I was made in that place, and the words that he said...

"Alive for 244 years. I thought I'd seen everything. Then I came to L.A."

That phrase made me laugh out loud. What use was a 244 year old vampire if he wasn't so well-exposed?

He was one of a kind, a good vampire, but not without a bloodied past, which, quite frankly, is not quite that much of a past at all, considering the things I had done in my earliest years.

But the regret, the guilt...it was all the same. It is only in the solitude of my abode that I would admit this to myself, that yes, the emptiness, the constant ache was indeed guilt. I would never admit it to anyone else.

And this Angel...this Angel had found love. When I had spoken with Bianca earlier, she had said that she wanted the love that Marius and Pandora had, which had gotten me thinking. I wanted something like that too, but I knew I would not ask.

I dared not.

Even as I wrote that sentence, I smiled at the irony. Serenity, not daring to do anything? This, indeed, was a first.

Nevertheless, I shall keep on reading. Despite it's juvenile theme, it's a fascinating piece of work.

A vampire who finds true love.
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Target [Aug. 4th, 2004|02:00 am]
Serenity
[mood |calmcalm]

I have found her. The reason why I have been in New Orleans for as long as I have.

It's as if she knew that someone was hunting her, or maybe it was because she had perpetrated too many murders that she's afraid that the darkness might step out to claim her.

I have been tracking her for a while now, my Maker's granddaughter, the only survivor of the massacre I had laid on the house almost fifty years ago. She was only merely a child then, and I had let her go.

If I had known she would turn out like that, I wouldn't have wasted that mercy.

She killed her stepchildren in order for her own son to inherit the vast wealth her second husband possessed, making it look like accidents. Her first husband had been murdered by her, too.

Ah yes, this would be one I would enjoy very much, indeed. I have been distracted from the Daemon business long enough. I have already given Pandora my address. If she needs me, she will come, but right now, there are things for me to do.

I watched my prey as she moved around in sleek black limousines, listening and planning. I knew there was all the time in the world, but Walker would not be so patient. Not that I cared, but it would get another irritant out of my sight.

I knew I had to act soon. But not tonight. Tonight, I will let her be.

In two days, when the mansion gates of her home in the City of Angels are opened for a masquerade ball, I will be there.

My dear Maguerite, enjoy the days that you have left. The clock is ticking.
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Home [Aug. 3rd, 2004|06:57 am]
Serenity
[mood |draineddrained]

I wonder if Pandora will take up my offer. She had been so aggrieved that I knew she would need time to take it in. Even though I was a mere seventy-year old vampire, I had the knowledge, I know how to do it.

It was a highly ironic gift for me, for a person who only knew how to take lives. But that's not all that's weighing me down.

The situation at the house haunted my thoughts and disturbed me so much that I could think of nothing else. The questions she had asked hit me hard, bringing back memories I had tried so hard to forget... 'Did you ever seen the one you love dying? Have you seen him burning, after two thousand years of loving him with all your strengh?'

But Pandora, I killed the ones I loved. The ones who betrayed my innocence so long ago, the first murders perpetrated in a long line of murders to follow, murders that would widen the chasm of emptiness and gradually swallow me in...I murdered my Maker and his mortal family, along with all who knew him, all because he killed the one I loved as a father, the man who had taken me in, fed me, clothed me, and walked me down the road to hell.

The one who, after all, had only treated me as a mere pawn, to be disposed of as the situation saw fit. But I loved him still, despite the betrayal.

I killed them.

How cruel your questions are, my friend. How cruel...
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Does It Matter? [Aug. 3rd, 2004|03:58 am]
Serenity
[mood |morosemorose]

Humans. They die so fast...

I had picked off a youth from the street, a young punk who, quite frankly, looked as if he should never be placed near a magnet, lest he be stuck permanently to it. He had been on drugs, but it did not disturb me in the least. The taste of his blood was overwhelming, and I had forgotten the death of that ancient vampire for a few minutes.

But a couple of minutes was all the boy lasted, even as I dropped his dying body into an abandoned warehouse. My wounds were healing, the wounds that had been caused by that damnable creature, Daemon.

It particularly stung that the Dominic boy was the one who killed him finally, but I managed to get it behind me. We were not fighting to see who was the strongest vampire, after all. He was a handsome young boy, but I sensed the pain in him all too well, and I wondered what he had been so pained about.

That is one of the reasons why I chose to be alone. Emotions were a nuisance, especially since I have a gift for them, being able to pinpoint their exact emotion. It served me very well when I am manipulating people, but at other times, it served more as a bane.

I wish Daemon had killed me instead. When I had offered him the trade, all that had been on my mind was my wish to die. I was too cowardly to end my life by myself. There is nothing for me here.

If only Daemon had taken that choice...

I am sick of writing. Perhaps I shall go out and hunt some more. It would do my sanity good.

I wonder at how many people I have to kill before I can fully forget the emptiness that yawns so widely in me.

How many?

Serenity
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Death [Aug. 2nd, 2004|07:09 pm]
Serenity
[mood |restlessrestless]

The vampire named Marius is dead.

I never knew his name until Pandora screamed, her grief cutting through me like a blade. And strangely, I had never thought I would ever be witness to this kind of grief again.

I never knew that there would be a part of me that would feel even remotely bad, but I did. Maybe it was because he had attempted to protect me, even though he barely knew me, but I don't know...

Maybe it was because of my attraction to him that I had volunteered to bring him back the way I did, because in a small measure, I knew that he had intrigued me, which was why I had lingered around them, a mere shadow for a long while, simply watching them.

I would never know now, would I? All I can hope for now would be for Pandora to make her decision. I know I can bring him back, I know, for a fact, that I would.

All that is left now would be her...What will be Pandora's decision, I wonder? How will she react to my confession of my attraction to her lover?

Things were definitely better when I had been wandering alone. At least I only had myself and the thrill of the next hunt to think about.


Serenity
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Moonlight Shadow [Aug. 2nd, 2004|07:07 pm]
Serenity
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |Moonlight Shadow]

The last that ever she saw him,

Carried away by a moonlight shadow.

He passed on worried and warning,

Carried away by a moonlight shadow.

Lost in a riddle that Saturday night,

Far away on the other side.

He was caught in the middle of a desperate fight

And she couldn't find how to push through.

The trees that whisper in the evening,

Carried away by a moonlight shadow.

Sing a song of sorrow and grieving,

Carried away by a moonlight shadow.

All she saw was a silhouette of a gun,

Far away on the other side.

He was shot six times by a man on the run

And she couldn't find how to push through.

I stay, I pray

See you in heaven far away.

I stay, I pray

See you in heaven one day.

Four a.m. in the morning,

Carried away by a moonlight shadow.

I watched your vision forming,

Carried away by a moonlight shadow.

Stars move slowly in a silvery night,

Far away on the other side.

Will you come to talk to me this night,

But she couldn't find how to push through.

I stay, I pray

See you in heaven far away.

I stay, I pray

See you in heaven one day.

Far away on the other side.

Caught in the middle of a hundred and five.

The night was heavy and the air was alive,

But she couldn't find how to push through.

Carried away by a moonlight shadow.

Carried away by a moonlight shadow.

Far away on the other side.

But she couldn't find how to push through.
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Passion [Jul. 30th, 2004|12:22 pm]
Serenity
[mood |thoughtfulthoughtful]

Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws... and howl.

Passion is born... And though uninvited, unwelcome, unwanted... like a cancer... it takes root. It festers... it bleeds... it scabs... only to rupture.

Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief. It speaks to us, guides us; passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have?

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.
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